Out of Control

Some days are better than others. This is really important for me to remember. Particularly on days like today. Today has not been one of the better ones. I binged for the first time in a long while and I feel awful. I really don't even understand why. There wasn't even a particular trigger. Which just proves that the eating disorder mind set can spring up at any time. I think it was because I was feeling fat today. Isn't it odd that feeling fat can trigger me to eat more? You think it would be the other way around, but no, that isn't the way my brain works. I think I need to stop focusing on losing weight and start focusing on training. Eating things that make me feel good physically and exercising and stretching.

I keep worrying about NOMT this fall. I had all these goals to lose all this weight this summer so that I'd be thin for NOMT and I think that it is too soon after finishing treatment for me to be so focused on weight loss. So my goal for the rest of the summer is to focus on health. I want to be healthy and happy and I can do that at whatever weight I am at, including this one. When I put the focus outside myself it is so easy to be happy, so I am going to be self centered about my health, but try and let the rest of my focus be outside myself. And I'm going to cling to our wonderful blog A Daily Offering of Gratitude.

Namaste.